The Heart of the Matter

I've been meaning to wrap up my three part Love, Laughter, Forgiveness series for sometime now, but as any good writer knows at times it is harder to articulate the things that you want to share. Today, however, I woke up, got our of the shower and heard this song on Pandora and the random thoughts in my mind just started falling into place. So this final chapter in the trilogy, about forgiveness, is dedicated to two special friends whom I know will be able to empathize with some of the emotions so poignantly put forth in this song, but also to everyone who is searching in their lives for something more.

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness

It doesn't matter what the question is, the answer, in my mind any way, is forgiveness. First we need to forgive ourselves for not yet being perfect- not yet having perfect bodies, not yet being the perfect friend, daughter or student, not yet knowing perfectly how to treat ourselves or one another. If we cannot accept ourselves for what we are and where we are along our journey of life we cannot hope to be able to accept others or for others to accept us. If I cannot accept that I am imperfect, if I cannot acknowledge both the good and the bad about myself, I cannot be ME. I must always be part. I will forever be putting on a facade, pretending that I am something that I'm not. Love is born of acceptance. This makes it impossible for others to love me, since I am forever keeping them at arms length. By not showing them the good and the bad they cannot love me for me. This also makes it impossible for me to love them, because I will always be thinking that they, like me, are only giving part of themselves. There is no opportunity for trust and growth and love because we have not been honest with what our starting point is.

When we have forgiven ourselves, accepted the reality of who and what we are, we can then more easily love and accept others. We don't expect them to be perfect. We know they will not be. Thus their imperfections endear them to us, because we can look at them and not be blinded by what they are not, but be inspired by what they are becoming. We can see daily the challenges they face and celebrate with them their victories as they learn again the things they thought they knew, and they likewise can rejoice with us as we learn and grow and are changed. There is something to be said about struggling together, I'm sure there are many married couples that could tell you that. But the same principle applies to all our relationships. In the Bible we are told that "a friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17) We can love our friends and neighbors and eventually our experiences with them will turn them into family, our brothers and sisters. Imagine what a different type of world we could live in if we could just forgive; replace the pride and bitterness in our hearts and homes with love.

We all need love. It is that universal desire that sends us from the arms of our mothers when we are little, to the arms of the savior when we are young and foolish, and eventually to the arms of a lover when we have learned enough about being loved to freely give our love to another. Someone who will give us plenty of opportunities to laugh and love and forgive.