"Love is a portion of the soul itself,and it is of the same nature as the celestial breathing of the atmosphere of paradise." Victor Hugo

So I was talking to a friend last night and a question they asked, "What is love anyway?", prompted this email, and I decided it would make a good blog post since I haven't updated in FOREVER, and love has been on my mind a lot lately due to the circumstances in my friends lives (but that is another story).

So here is Noel's definition of love. Before you roll your eyes I want you to know that this is not some romantic, girly fairytale version that I have bought into. There have been a few times when I thought I was in love, but it wasn't until I experienced this feeling that I realized what a fool I had been, because nothing else has ever come close to this feeling.

Love is very simple. It is when an individual magnifies every good thing in your life. Every thought, every feeling, just by being alive. It's not conditional on what they say, or do. Just them, as they are, living and breathing is sufficient to make you feel happier, stronger, more optimistic, more confident in yourself than you ever did without them in your life. Because you love them you want nothing more from them than the opportunity to devote all your time and energy into making sure that that individual is the happiest that they could possibly be. No strings attached. You want to give freely because when they are happy you are happy too. You would sacrifice anything and everything for that individual if necessary, but it wouldn't even feel like a sacrifice because you care so much about them.

This is the love that a parent has for their child, a true friend has for their friends, that God has for us, and that a healthy couple has in their marriage. Probably the most amazing thing about love, real love, in my opinion, is that it is a feeling independent of how the other person feels about you. You love that person when they do stupid things, when they hurt you, even when they hate you. It is the most vulnerable and yet the most liberating feeling in the world. Love is amazing. That is why it makes me sad to think that some people would settle for anything less than the real thing.

A different friend once asked me as I was struggling with the pain that comes from an unrequited love, "why would any one would ever want to fall in love if hurts this much?". To her, and to the rest of you who are afraid to fall- again, or perhaps even for the first time , I say because it is worth it. It is so much better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, because loving someone increases our capacity to feel every other emotion, not just the pain. Henry David Thoreau said "There is no remedy for love but to love more", and that is exactly what I intend to do.

All the Single Ladies

So I know it's been months since I've written but the recap of events since my last blog post will have to wait. I have something else on my mind today. The shortage of good men not afflicted by the Peter Pan syndrome it would appear, is a topic of concern not limited to our LDS circles. No, no. We are not the only ones less than impressed by the masses of gaming, minimum wage earning, unmotivated, complacent, thrill seeking, responsibility shirking young men out there shacking up in their parents basements and leeching off the hard work of others. As you can imagine this reality is less than attractive. Not that money is so important or that a lack of it, as a male, negates all chances of being deemed desirable to the opposite sex. I'm not man bashing here, but if you are incapable of articulating a desire to be independent and goals that surpass picking up a hot girl this Friday night, you aren't going to score many, if any, points in my book. That being said, I would like to draw your attention to another interesting phenomena in society. As undesirable as being linked to a man whose characteristics mirror the ones mentioned above, there is another even more fearful scenario for women; having no man at all. The dreaded possibility of being ALONE! And so all intelligent females, weigh their options, dead beat boyfriend, or Ben and Jerry. I would submit that women have done such since the dawn of time. As time has moved forward Ben and Jerry, have repeatedly lost out to Nathan Not-so-Bad or Mr. Mistake, as that fear of being alone has led to a decline in the standards of what we want, and in my opinion deserve in a companion. We settle for someone who isn't motivated but at least doesn't room with his parents; someone who doesn't love us, but is willing to put up with us; someone who remembers our feelings and will listen to us occasionally, but who doesn't share our hopes and dreams. They don't make us giddy and happy, but at least they don't make you cry right? Sadly many of us, too many of us, the single ladies, believe that we will have to settle or else we'll end up alone . To this I say "NO YOU DON'T!" Now before you stop reading and call me naive, delusional, or romantic, which I may well be, hear me out. I don't claim to be an expert at love or relationships and certainly not marriage. I've never been married, and I seem to be perpetually single, but I have been in love. Not that -'I guess you'll do' kind or the high school 'my hormones are out of control' kind either. I'm talking about the real deal. And that is why I believe, no I KNOW, that despite our sometimes dismal prospects we, women, have the right, responsibility, and even duty to hold out for someone who is both fiscally and emotionally weened from mom and dad, and the games, and who makes us feel more alive in their presence in five minutes than we ever felt in all the years prior to meeting them. (*Only one of the marks of true love. There is much more to look forward too.)Yes ladies, men like this do exist! Most, admittedly, are diamonds in the rough, but until we start believing that we deserve better, they aren't going to rise to the challenge. If there are women out there willing to accept mediocrity, there will be no incentive for any man to shape up. So stop selling yourself (and the rest of us) short by accepting any less than the real deal. Be proud to be a single lady! Stick to your guns. Wait for that right man and when he comes he'll put a ring on it.

Guitars Unplugged

So I’m sitting her with Suzanne at guitars unplugged and trying really hard not to punch someone in the face before it starts because then I wont be able to watch Lundy play since the security here in the ballroom is going to be insane. You should see the crazy amount of chairs and stuff that they have set up for this. It should be good. I really enjoy musical venues and it has been a while since I’ve been to one. I was going to do homework but that plan is on hold since now there are a billion annoying people filing in and talking all the time. I'm sure that the sound check guys are just loving that. Apparently there are a zillion people here for Lundy, which is cool, since we are too, and a lot of old people as Suzanne just observed. We're wondering how many are going to plug their ears like her father did when he would come to her school performances. At least we haven't seen anyone walking around with earmuffs like my grandma always brings to the movie theater...but there is still time. =) We got to see some of the acts arrive and we were totally able to pick out this one artist that we saw back in September with Kalai- Benton Paul. I still like to call him Paul Bunnion mainly because he is the antithisis of the large, legendary wood cutter. I swear my arms are larger than his legs. He is sooooo small. Sean, Laila and Caitlin are all taller than he is. I'm pretty sure that if I punched him it would break bones.

Life in the SWKT (the Spencer W Kimball Tower)

I'm sitting here in the Neuroscience Center, where I frequently meet up to Suzanne and Kyna (who actually work here), waiting for Sue to comeback from weighing the mice for a different lab where she is doing research for graduation. I have my geography classes on the sixth and second floors; I work on the computers in the lab in the basement, which also houses my advising center which I visit frequently now. Not only that come Sunday I get to have church in this building as well. It is weird to try and feel the spirit in the same place that you are learning about the Brazilian rainforest and lanscape metrics in. So to change it up a bit I come and visit my good friends on the tenth floor. It's funny the different people that I see when I pass my days in the tower. Last semester I used to run into Daniela and Leandrew Tirrell all the time because they were always in the nursing department.

Good, Better, Best

I've been thinking alot about how good my life is. I watch as every day is better that the last, and right when I think I've reached the pinnacle, and had the best day ever, the Lord comes along and shows me that the best is still yet to come. I don't know how he does it. He is just really good at his job. I've been telling people that the Lord is in the business of happifying his people and I am learning more each day just how true that is. I have also realized that I don't know enough words to describe just how awesome I feel. Fabulous and wonderful are just getting overused, so here are some words that I have decided to try and incorporate into my vocabulary:
Fantastic, Inconceivable (for all you Princess Bride fans out there), incredible, marvelous, phemominal, remarkable, spectacular, stupenous, teriffic, grand, sensational, and splendid.
I may need to carry around a little note card with them on it so that I can rememeber my options. I wonder if smiling is as contagious as yawning? I hope so because I have a rampant case of the grins. It's a good thing that I spend time around people who are as happy as I am. It makes life just that much nicer. The Lord loves me. There is no other way to explain it. I love my life.

Welcome to the New Year

Monday was the start of the Chinese New Year. It's crazy to think that January is almost over. This is my last semester of undergrad. That too is really crazy. I am also the Relief Society president. Talk about going out with a bang. All of the main crew from freshman year is back and we have been spending a lot of time hanging out, doing dinners and movie nights, and I am loving it. It is great to live so close to Holly, Kendal, Shelby, and now Jen kironde who has become a kindred spirit. It's easy to see why that would be. Who wouldn't love Jen? We took her with us to Bishop Harward's house to watch Anne of Greengables. Now that is a LONG movie, but it was really cute and everyone loved it. I love our group. Tyson and Joe, and Lundy, and Mike, and Trent and Amy, and Bowen and Ashley, and Holly, and Zarah, and Kendal...the list goes on. Especially love that we do uplifting things together too. Like study and got to the temple. I got to go with Holly, Shelby, Kendal and Jen and their ward to the Manti temple this past weekend. What an experience that was. I miss California and my family and friends back there periodically. It's worst when you have those days (or in my case weeks)when nothing seems to go right. Despite being far away I still feel really connected to everyone. I talk to my family several times a week. (Caitlin is becoming more vocal and loves to call me and leave me messages and tell me little random facts throughout the day. Most recently she called to tell me that she really wants a black eye.) Kacie Gene and Monica touch base with me on the phone between classes or during transit, and keep me up to date with what is going on in the post-highschool circle. I spend a lot of time facebook chatting with Jessica and Tauna (normally when they are at work), and they fill me in on all the church drama. They also try and make me homesick by talking about things like In-N-Out, the sun, and beach weather in January. I haven't been able to spend much time with Suzanne these past weeks which makes me sad. I used to go sit in on her Biochem class everyother day last semester, and we used to get done around the same time and so would walk home together, but no such luck this year. Her class schedule is so varied that I almost always have a meeting or something going on when she is free. We still get together to go to our monthly wax appointment, and tomorrow we are going to the Draper Temple open house, which should be fun. I'm pretty sure that we are still planning on making her yearly mecca to Cali President's day weekend, which will give us some time to catch up. It's also sad to think that when this semester is over that she will be moving back up to Idaho. I don't know what I am going to do without her. She is my Grey's Anatomy, Olive Garden, Dollar Movie buddy, and my sister too. My grandmother even started telling people that we we're both coming back after graduation to live with her. It's funny how things change. We never know where we are going to end up and what it is that future holds. I don't know when I will be getting back to Californina but I do know that I am happy, and as long as I'm living the gospel I know that I will continue to be so. Life is so good. I am so blessed. I look forward with excitement to what this new year will bring. I hope that everyone will find what it is that makes them the most happy this year (I submit to you that it is the Gospel of Jesus Christ) and hold onto it with all their might. Welcome 2009. I've been waiting for you.

Every ending is another story's beginning

So here is the newest story in the current chapter of my life...Jen my good friend from back home just transfered down to BYU from the University of Utah and she is all about blogging. I don't really think that my life is entertaining enough to have a blog but since a new year is right around the corner, and all that jazz I figured that I would give it a shot. This nest two weeks are going to be crazy so assuming that I live through them they are sure to make good blogging material. (My trip to Idaho with Suzanne and then our vacation to Seattle). In the meantime I am spending my winter break here in the winter wonderland of Provo Utah. I don't remember it ever snowing this much before January, but alas not only is the whole of the ciry covered in white flakes, there is another storm on the horizon. I've begun to contemplate what I would do if I ended up snowed into my house. I image that it might be kind of fun. I know that I have enough food to last me a good anount of time, and enough movies that I would be able to keep occupied for a while. Thanks to Suzanne I have enough of her blankets here to keep me warm if the heat went out...Is it weird that I am thinking about all this while the sun is shining into my open window? Maybe just a little. Any way Jen told me to blog alot but I don't really have anything else to share. My list of things to do before I will be ready for the holiday keeps getting longer and it's already Christmas Eve. Where does the time go?